Friday, January 19, 2007

Going Home

Tomorrow I head back home from South Africa. I have been here for a week on business and can't wait to get back to my family. The trip is a killer, but the end result is joy.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Continuing My Welcome Post

Hello again anyone who may pass this way.

Yesterday I started my first Blog and entered my first post. I actually received a comment! Thanks Ray.

The thrust of the post was a commentary on what I found in the Blogs I reviewed before creating mine and the idea that the content focus was very similar and focused a lot on excellin in business and thoughts from common reference points who write books pontificating "the right way".

Today I just want to offer a different take on things. Sure it is great to know you will not have to worry about living costs when you are old and retired. And to get there following the path I descibed yesterday will I am sure work well for you. But ask yourself are you happy stressing over your "plan" to get to a million by 30 every day? Or, working those 20 hour days to impress those that hold the cheese that will you hope get you to your goal?

I started on that path when I was younger. Although, I choose not to complete the education levels most everyone else in my industry died for. I started college and found it boring, so went and started a company for fun not money. I excelled in the software industry and made a lot of money, but had only work related friends and a bad life style.

The my bipolar disorder kicked into over drive and life changed forever. Want to know how fast you can loose every dime you have? Took me less than 3 days during a manic episode. Then I started to loose control of myself and became unreliable and uncontrolable. Lost some jobs, found new ones, made a lot more money lost it all, and the cycle went on.

I married not knowing I was bipolar during a calm period. But it was not long before it all started again. My wife was blown away. We had serious problems, lost a child at birth, and had a second child who required open heart the day he was born. I was not able to support her through any of this because my defense mechanism was mania and you can't imagine what it is like when you are in that state. I lost the trust of everyone through this. But my wife stayed. We continued to live with my disorder (not yet diagnosed) and the landing and loosing jobs, building savings just for me to spend 20,000 in a morning. We could not buy a house, open accounts, stat 401Ks, all the things everyone we knew were doing.

Finally, we went to Canada for a new job and I was finally diagnosed. With medication thingYou s became better, but still not perfect. I still had manic episodes that destroyed our financial base and our relationship. We had a second son and 2 years ago I had the worst episode I ever had. 1.5 year manic episode. Just to give you an example of the world when you are truely manic. First, you are so euphoric that you think you are God. You create great works and work non-stop for days without fatigue. Then you change, one wrong word from someone and you fly into a rage that is dangerous to anyone around you. You then start to change, believe you are someone you are not, do things that are life threating and spend money, sell your things just to be able to by the rush it gives you. One night I was borderline pyschotic and found my family huddled in a room crying. I just yelled and left for a week.

Now, I have been enjoying a long stable period. And this is what I have decided. What ever money I make I spend now, with my family. We go places and stay at the best hotels, buy what ever my boys, and keep from pushing them into the same path that most other parents are to ensure they succeed in the terms our culture has now set out.

happiness is going to a movie with my family. Waking on a Sunday going to church then just chilling at home. Going to Disneyland althoug we just went a few months ago. Buying a gift just because. I don't care what life will be like for me when I am 60, 70 or 80. If I have to eat cat food so be it. Right now I am making money, stable, and doing things with my boys before they are too old to want to. I have great days with them and my wife and the more places we can go the more shows we can see the more days at the beach we can get the more snow falls we can play in together the happier I am. This is happiness for me. I will reschedule clients, delay projects and say no to my boss just to do something with my family or to be with my sons. I don't need a million dollars. As long as I can make enough to play with my family for the next few years, or until my next episode I will die a happy man. And hope I showed my sons that to be a happy person you do not have to be part of the standard mold set out for others.

Sorry for the long rambling. I just needed to set the stage for my opinion and knowing my life was important for that.

hope someone reads this and lets me know what happiness is to them.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

My Welcome

Since this is the first time I have ever created a post in a Blog and considering that it is my Blog (just created) I only wanted to say hi to anyone who might stumble into my area.

I have been looking through Blog sites today for the first time and it surprises me (not really I suppose) how many are spouting the same messages using the same references - all related to "How To" business messages. Also, the how to get or build your wealth. I found a few that focused non business, money or politics. I was impressed with those.

I must admit though that being my first day blogging, the percentage of sites I touched on in relation to all sites can be compared to reviewing the first word in the bible in relation to the rest of book.

For my first input into the world of bloggers I will offer the following words. In life you are told over and over in many different ways that the road to happiness is a university degree, MBA, job making at least 80,000/yr, a 401K fully funded each year, buying realestate and building that portfolio. This path it is assumed will take you to a place where only wealthy people play. You may have to work 20 hours a day, hopefully in a startup run by a guy like Bill Gates, beg for more and more options at each yearly review and tell you wife and boys that no, vacation will have to wait, or no I can't coach your team this year you see because work is really crazy again my young boy.

When you do get together with friends or family (much more rare) talk of investments who has what or is doing this with that and how is your company doing this year is always the themes that prevail. All this may be the right path to follow, but it seems to me there is something missing.

I will offer what I now believe is another path to take in my next post.

I hope someone stumbles into my new blog, but if not it was fun to try.